It *really happens*

08 January, 2002 || 7:27 p.m.

Today has just been a pain in the ass. It wasn't so bad as to be ONE OF THOSE DAYS, but it was just a pain. An annoying, boring, preventing - the - weekend - from - coming - sooner - day. And it's a Monday, only on a Tuesday. Which means that I have all of my Wednesday obligations to fufill, without having the early warning of a Monday actually falling on a Monday. Like my art homework, which took me, I kid you not, *An Hour And A Half.* We had to do a drawing (I want you to write...a theme...lol, jk, I dunno where *that* came from) of our bedrooms in Linear Perspective. That gets capitalized because of how Mr. Artteacher teaches it. Linear Perspective is *not* just a trick on the eye, it *really exists!!* ("Really?" you all ask with the enthusiasm of the average, thinking, breathing human being's desire to go to Mrs. Mathteacher's class.)

But, as I said, Linear Perspective *really does exist!* Everything in a room (that's *everything* for you folks at home who didn't understood what I meant the first time I said "everything") EVERYTHING IN A ROOM, points back to one single point. (Except, he reminds us, when you have a two- or three- or four- (etc) point Linear Perspective) Although I don't understand how, when the point everything goes back to is the point directly in front of the viewer, and there can only be one view in a picture or photo or painting (etc), there can be *more than* one point Linear Perspective.

Also, he keeps reminding us not to become a Roman, who, I guess, got the slanted line thing, but didn't get the entire Linear Perspective thing. (I can't say I blame them, what with Mr. Artteacher cotinually changing the rules). So he warns us not to be a Roman, because they just put slanted lines everywhere with no regard to Linear Perspective (which, as we have discussed, *really happens*). But what Mr. Artteacher doesn't say was *how do we go about being a Roman*? If we don't know how to be a Roman, we can't possibly know how *not* to be one, perhaps we'll go about our business thinking that we understand Linear Perspective perfectly, only to find out we have become a Roman.

Which makes me wonder, What's so bad about being Roman?

I mean, yeah, they're pagaens, and I'm, like, not, and they had really ugly shoes and wore white after Labor Day, but when am I ever going to need Linear Perspective in my life? Is there ever, *ever* going to be a life and death situation where someone will turn to me and say, "Oh My God, oh Smart and Beautiful One, the entire world will explode if we can't find out the true meaning of Linear Perspective wich we are told *really happens.* Do you know anyone that can help save the world from the mutant spiders!??"

I'll laugh charmingly, fluff my beautiful bouncy, but not frizzy, hair which is just as magnificent as what i have between my ears, where most just have mushy oatmeal. So I'll laugh and say in an elegant and friendly way, "Why, *I* know Linear Perspective! We did lunch last Tuesday! Well, don't you see, all you must do is connect these lines here..." I pause as I whip out a pretty pink pencil with feathers on the end to connect my points and lines (etc) "...and you connect these points *here*, so EVERY LINE points back to these 84 dots, and there you have it. Linear Perspective. And it *really does* exist. Really." As I smile like a lady on an infomertial or a salesperson on QVC going "sparkle, sparkle, sparkle..."

Right.

Also, if it REALLY HAPPENS, how come Mr. Attteacher keeps calling the point *Everything* goes back to the "magic" point. If it really happens, as he so often claims it does, why would it be magic?

After all, magic is merely a trick on the eye and this, as we all know, *REALLY EXISTS.*

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