What happened (inside of me)

25 April, 2002 || 7:41 am

So here I am, sitting at home. Resting my leg on a chair while I sit here, at the computer. In addition to feeling pain (in my leg) I also feel pain (in my heart) because, after this horrid happening, I realized just how many people care about me. And they really shouldn't. It was my own fault - I didn't look both ways. And now, just because of my stupidity, I have people who feel guilty. Eileen said the people who hit me were all upset saying that they had trie to miss me, Jen said she was guilty because I was going to see her.

But I don't want people to feel guilty for what was my fault.

You know what bothered me the most as I lay screaming by the side of the road? That Eileen,Margeaux, and I couldn't go to the library. I was really looking foreward to it, because I know that Jen, Lee, and Brit (even though I don't really see her that often, anyway) are leaving tonight to go to some conference and that I wouldn't get to see them. And another thing that bothered me "much a lot" is that, back at school, Margeaux and I were picking dandilions and I held on to it even when I got hit, but when the rolled me over onto the board I dropped it. And that made me really sad, because it was so pretty.

But the thing that makes me the most sad about the whole incident, the thing thta still bothers me, is the Eileen and Margeaux were standing there the whole time, and that I didn't get to talk to them. I know they were being updated as to how I was doing, but I wanted to be able to tell them. I can't even imagine how scarry that must have been for them to see that. Once I actually fell, I knew I wasn't hurt that bad, just my leg (of course I was imagining that my leg was completely crushed becasue that's how it felt) but they had no way of knowing what was going on.

And I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to them. In a way, I'm happy it was me, because I don't think I'm strong enough to endure it if something were to happen to one of my sisters. And I know I'm an only child, but that's what Eileen, Margeaux, Jen, Hamida and Alex are to me. My sisters.

And I want them to know that I do love them more than anything, and I want to thank them for being there for me.

back || next